I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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