how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are two peas in an std pod
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
