So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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