I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
