Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
