I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
