some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
