you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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