so let's talk penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
