did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
