i will never coherently bang her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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