I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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