Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
