I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
