so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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