Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize