A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
