So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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