I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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