i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
