the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
