the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
