I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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