who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
