the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
