Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
