Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need moral support for this bender
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
