White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize