nut hugger
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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