I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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