you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
