Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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