I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
