i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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