He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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