smell my finger.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
