I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
