I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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