im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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