You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You've changed since you got that strap on
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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