woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
