Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
