You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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