I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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