Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
