And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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