You can't special order awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
