I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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