Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
