Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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