I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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