Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
