She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
