I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love having hate sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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