You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize