the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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