Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
