she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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