Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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