I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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