Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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