Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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