Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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