I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
