think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
