her vagine was all disorganized.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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