so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
