To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
