nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
