he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
