I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
