i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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