Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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